Perception..

Argh.  So.. in the last post I was going on about how I had such great intentions of NOT having such complete chaos in my life.  Seeing as its been what.. 3weeks? since my last post.. clearly that's not working out so well.

And, also, if you remember.. in my last post I was irked bc it would not let me load up anymore pictures to the blog.  Ha. Seems as tho over the years I'd managed to fill up my 1GB of free storage. I can't fathom why. I so rarely take pictures. HAHAHA.  Anyway.. so for all of $5 .. the braintrust at google has sold me another chunk of storage. Up to 10K images per year. I think that should suffice for even me.

So. back to the chaos. We've been back at work for just two weeks and it has been insanity. All sorts of things going on. And while I know I have my days of just being completely and utterly overwhelmed, and ready to wield (did i spell that right?) my scissors at the stifling red tape.. I do like my job and I am well aware of just how very lucky I am to have a job.  I can still hope for a little calmness to ensue in coming weeks. Hope being a strong word.

In the meantime, I do have Eileen to help keep my head on straight. For example.. today is MLK Day. So she was off of school and I was off of work (Josh had to work).  So she and I ran some errands, hung out, then met Lani and Syd at the zoo. It was finally warm out.. and sunny too. Syd & Eileen ran around like children freed from a dungeon. Which was fine with me. So tonight I'm kissing her good night. I said "I had fun with you today." And she put her hands on my face and said "I know!"   sigh. So sad the child doesn't feel loved. So sad her self-esteem is in the crapper.

So anyway. Back to my title.. Perception. Funny how you can think something about yourself, and assume that everyone else thinks the same.  In my last post, I talked about some of my girlfriends who I am pretty certain are SuperWoman. I would like to hope they think the same of themselves, but they probably don't.  But I still perceive them as such...

So I was out with friends recently. One of said friends asked me if I thought less of him because of a possibly not so healthy habit. My first reaction was to be somewhat hurt that he'd think I'd judge him or anyone else.  I am about as far from a Saint as you can get, and I surely have no room to be judging others. Certainly not my friends.

Apparently he thought I was a total health nut, due to the fact that I run. A lot. Which made me laugh. And I promptly explained that I run to stay sane. That if I could, I'd sit around and eat and drink and sleep and any other possibly unhealthy habit that might be out there.  Running is my outlet. It is about me and only me (well, and sometimes my running partner and kicking his arse on a hill..).  It keeps me focused and sane. It is the one thing I can do that I can control, at which I can improve, and that is completely mine. It is the one thing that defines me outside of being a mom or my career. 

That is why I run. That is why I am attempting two full marathons and at least one half, if not two, this year. Not because I am a health nut. But because I am a control freak, and at least I can control my running. This particular habit just happens to have some healthy side effects.  And you know what? Its probably a little selfish too.. because of how much time it takes up. But I am pretty sure it makes me a better mommy.. so I have no plans on giving it up any time soon.

So I'm not sure if my friend believed me. Or if he thought I was just trying to sound modest. But either way.. the point is.. it kind of caught me off guard.  Funny how I want to be defined by my running... but then I find out that another's perception of me is - based on my running - is so very different than what MY perception of me is.. and I'm just a little thrown off kilter I guess.

In other news.. we (along with the rest of the Country) had a horrid deep freeze. Ten days I think below freezing. Dreading my gas bill. Eileen and Gracie were insanely stir crazy. Small ice storm, and snow stayed on the ground for a week. Unheard of down here. Half the reason I left Manhattan was because I was so sick of the cold. These past few days have been lovely. I'm sure we'll have more cold.. hopefully not for 10days at a time.  In the meantime, I'm enjoying this reprieve.  Eileen starts her 2nd semester of soccer tomorrow, and I can't wait. I love that she likes sports. And that she likes to run. Someday, maybe she'll run with Mommy. Her ridiculously long legs will probably leave me in her dust.

Happy Monday All. have a good week...